The Day of the Donald opens with a scene taking place in January of 2017. It was an event that would eventually go on to win the award for most fist fights in the Guinness Book of World Records, also known as the day Donald J. Trump was sworn into office as the 45th President of the United States of America.
Placing his right hand on top of a bible, which was neatly resting on a copy of his own bestselling book, Trump: The Art of the Deal, Donald Trump repeated after Chief Justice Roberts and began his quest to “Make America Great Again.”
Eighteen months later, Jimmie Bernwood is among the many people, including many illegal immigrants, scaling the newly built (but not finished) wall between America and Mexico. But, in a stunning change of events, the immigrants (and Jimmie) are actually risking their lives to go back to Mexico.
Caught by border patrol agents, Jimmie learns the hard way that he has no rights in Mexico as he’s thrown in prison with countless others who, for the most part, seem to be dying from various illnesses that are perfectly treatable with antibiotics (Trump successfully repelled Obamacare, taking health insurance away from millions). Fearing for his life, he plans to offer his writing services for protection, hoping to trade skillfully-written love letters for bodyguard services.
His plan doesn’t work, as Jimmie is ultimately left for dead after being attacked. His luck soon changes, though, when a White House staffer visits him in the hospital (he’s expected to make a full recovery) and offers him a job in the Trump Administration.
Because of his scandalous reporting of the Cruz campaign, for a media company that no longer exists thanks to one too many lawsuits, Jimmie is highly regarded by Trump and his team. He’s ultimately offered the job to ghostwrite The Donald’s presidency memoir America’s Greatest Decade (yes, Trump will have to do away with term limits to make the title of his book fit, but that’s a small hurdle for a businessman of his stature to clear), and given four (no more than five) minutes to think it over.
With no better option before him, Jimmie accepts the offer and hops on a plane back to America.
Upon arriving at the White House, Jimmie is taken aback by the many upgrades Trump has installed. Gone are the Haupt Fountains, replaced by the far superior, even awesomer fountains Trump bought from the Bellagio and moved to D.C.
Likewise, the South lawn received a major makeover. Now sits what is known as the White House Golf Course, a full 18 holes designed by Jack Nicklaus. To be fair, Eisenhower had a putting green installed, Trump just improved upon it. Greatly.
Once inside, Jimmy finds out that not only is he given exclusive access to Trump wherever he goes–which includes the bathroom because, hey, The Donald wants it known that he isn’t hurting in that “department”–but he’s also given the same security clearance as POTUS (which now stands for President Of Trump’s United States).
After a few days of on-the-job learning, Jimmy was feeling right at home and officially living the life. After continuously hearing bits and pieces of a story about the last ghostwriter’s mysterious disappearance, Jimmy decides to roll up his sleeves and do a little investigating while simultaneously jotting notes about Trump’s impending war with the United Kingdom.
In his journey for the truth, Jimmy discovers far more than he bargained for–learning not only what happened to the person he’d since replaced, but also about a secret rebel group that may or may not be planning to take back America.
As his investigation continues, Jimmy finds himself face-to-face with dozens of Washington elites, former presidents, and even a few celebrities. But he also continues to find additional evidence of multiple murders and their ensuing cover-ups, and vows (or weakly commits) to follow the bloody trail regardless of where it leads.
Honestly, I think this book will either be loved or hated. Some will read it and, like me, laugh out loud over and over again. Others will feel a mixture of nausea and rage.
While I don’t agree with some of the political beliefs featured in the book, I still found this clever spoof to be fun and entertaining, albeit over the top and even downright outlandish as times. Most of the time. Okay, all of the time.
That’s the point, though, as this book was clearly written to be just that, over the top and outlandish, which is what makes it fun. It has the vibe of a B-movie stoner comedy mixed with the Luke Wilson movie Idiocracy, but with a political slant.
For the record, Shaffer takes jabs at the left too, roasting both Bill and Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, and others. In fact, my favorite line in the book came from Hillary who, in response to someone telling her they made a joke replies, “I don’t know what those are.”
In the end, Shaffer’s book provides a timely laugh. His quick wit and sarcasm are infectious and left me smiling like a fool and giggling to myself as I turned the pages.
However, like the plot itself, there is a bigger message to the story. Some of the ridiculousness, which is written to read that way, is so far beyond far-fetched that you can’t even hardly see it, but it does cast a light on important topics. Like, for instance, this country’s media and their biased, agenda-pushing reporting.
In the end, if you pick this up and try to read it in a serious light, your head will almost assuredly explode. But if you have a good sense of humor and enjoy politics, or are fed up with hearing about politics, you’re guaranteed more than a few laughs.
Heck, I would even suggest grabbing a copy and repeatedly betting friends that they can’t read more than two pages out loud without breaking into laughter. If nothing else, you’ll make your money back in a hurry!
Author: Andrew Shaffer
Pages: 288 (Paperback)
Publisher: Crooked Lane Books
Release Date: June 28, 2016 (Order now!)